Sometimes you just need a reset.
All of us have so much going on these days, between work, family, and whatever other responsibilities we might be carrying, sometimes it feels like there’s never time for a break. Doula work in particular can be heavy emotionally—even if you aren’t dealing with clients in transition, death can be a difficult topic and even helping people put together their advance care plans can bring up intense feelings. No matter how experienced you become, helping people focus on end of life and everything that goes with it can severely drain your energy.
We talk a lot in the doula community about self care, and how important it is, because the truth is you just can’t be at your best for other people unless you are taking good care of yourself. And taking time for yourself can be easier said than done! During those crazy busy times, you might have to keep yourself going with little boosts along the way like motivating music during your commute or a sweet treat before bed. Even if all you can do is “self-care microdosing,” it’s important to make your own well-being a priority.
But sometimes micro-dosing isn’t enough. When big things happen, it’s important to give yourself time to process. And death is the biggest thing there is! Even if you are working with clients in a purely professional capacity, it is going to have an effect on you. This is something that lots of more experienced death professionals talk about and have made strategies for. Barbara Karnes, in her videos, explains that she likes to go to the memorial services for her clients whenever possible, to give herself closure. Hadley Vlahos talks in her nursing memoir about how she deeply loves her work, but she realized she needed therapy to deal with the feelings that came along with it.
Some doulas create rituals for themselves to honor the passing of a client, like lighting a candle or listening to certain music for a moment of remembrance. Sometimes these little rituals are self-focused, like taking a hot bath and some alone time to unwind and process everything that goes into helping a family say goodbye.
Taking this time, however you choose to do it, is crucially important. You need it. Your body and your mind need a break once in a while. And as some of us have learned the hard way, when you don’t give your mind or body a rest, eventually something will happen that will force you to rest whether you were planning to or not.
As we move into the holiday season, things are going to be hectic. A lot of us are going to have a lot more than usual on our plates. So please think ahead and find ways to make time for yourself. We’re counting on you.
