Starting The Conversation
If you’re reading this blog you are probably already a part of the Death Positive movement, or at the very least, you would consider yourself death-curious.
From a certain point of view, death as a conversation topic shouldn’t seem unusual at all. People have been dying for as long as we’ve been people (maybe even longer!), and yet, the Death Positive Movement is considered a fairly new development. So new that a lot of people haven’t even heard of it.
Especially for us as doulas, it is important to be comfortable talking to people about death and dying, and to be willing to start those conversations with them. We know that if we don’t, those conversations might not happen until it’s too late.
People will tell you this is difficult to do, considering it’s such a delicate topic and people tend to be uncomfortable discussing it. But the truth is, it’s the easiest thing in the world. In fact, most new acquaintances will give you an opening as soon as you meet them. When we meet new people one of the first things they often ask is, what do you do for a living? Just by answering this question, you are opening the conversation.
When you tell people you are a death doula or work in end-of-life care, you may be surprised how many of them will immediately want to know more, or will begin telling you about their own experiences with death or loss. This is a topic that, whether they admit it or not, people need to talk about.
Simply by letting people know that death is a welcome topic, you are inviting them to share stories that they may normally feel they are not allowed to tell. Not everyone is going to be ready to go there right away, but it may surprise you how many people will quickly open up when they understand that you are willing to listen. Before you know it, you may find an opening to ask them how prepared they are themselves, and whether they might need some assistance getting their documents in order. Or you might learn that they currently have someone in their lives who is approaching the end of life, and they have questions about how they’re supposed to deal with it.
Whether your new acquaintance is in the market for a death doula or not, it will be worth having the conversation, every time. Be open about what you do and why you do it, show people that you aren’t afraid to think about or talk about death, and you’ll be setting an example. Show people they don’t have to be afraid to talk about death, and guess what? Over time, more and more people will stop being afraid to talk about death.
And isn’t that what the Death Positive Movement is all about?
Community Spirit
Whether we are all in the same room, or connecting from opposite sides of the globe, we are grateful for every member of our IDLM community. Here’s hoping that as we move forward we can all continue to support one another at home, online, and in the communities that we serve.
Looking Ahead Together
Here we are at the beginning of another calendar year. You made it! This is a great time to shake offwhatever you can from 2023 and move forward with a clean slate. New goals, new plans, newresolutions.There’s something really nice about turning your attention forward, letting the past fall away andfocusing on the goals and […]
Celebrating Each Other
Seeing how much our community has continued to grow over the past year has been incredible. And what that tells us, at the end of the day, is that there is a real passion for the work that we do and a real need for it.
Final Holidays
When it comes to helping your clients through the holidays, as with any other challenge, what they might want or need won’t necessarily be what you might expect. But as always with grief, as long as you make space and listen, your clients will let you know the best way to help them through.
Assess Your Acomplishments
No matter what you have gone through over the past year, there is good news: you’re still here, and you’re almost a year farther along in your journey than you were when 2023 began.
The Little Things
The reason we remind ourselves and each other to be grateful is because genuine gratitude increases our happiness. It feels good to consider all of the comforts and blessings we possess, but it’s easy to stop looking at the blessings we see every day, the gifts that nearly everybody has.
Giving Gratitude
When we thank someone, we are not only expressing appreciation. We are reminding them that they still have something to offer and that what they have to offer—their wisdom, their smile, or just their trust—is valued. And that reminds them that they are valued.
End-of-Life Transition
When a death doula becomes involved in the transition process, their job is to step back and look at the whole picture. The medical workers will do their work and the funeral workers will do theirs—the doula’s job is to see what isn’t being handled, and to figure out the best way to fill in the gaps.
Remembrance Holidays
A lot of people would describe Halloween as the most “fun” holiday of the year. Dressing up in wild costumes, free candy exchange, general mischief—whether you like a tame and friendly experience or an intense fright fest, Halloween has a little something for everybody.
