For this week’s Student/Grad Spotlight, we are hearing from Barbara MacNair, located in Middletown, New Jersey. Barbara’s story is wonderful because her journey to end of life work has been unique but also contains many elements that nearly all of our IDLM community will relate to. We are so grateful to Barbara for sharing with us, and here she is in her own words.
What first brought you to end of life work?
I came to end of life work when I took a job as a hospice massage therapist. Neither myself nor my manager remembers how this came about , but there we were. I was fortunate to have a great team of nurses, social workers and chaplains to work with. We all started together in the new office and it was hard, humbling but rewarding work. Somewhere during that time I started to question how we serve dying people. Hospice had its limitations, not through any fault of their own. I, on the other hand had a little bit more freedom which allowed me to serve my patients in different ways. I wanted to do more and sometimes I pushed those boundaries and did.
How did you find IDLM? What made you decide that IDLM was the right place for you?
I started doing research about end of life and a massage therapist friend told me about an end of life class he was taking online. That was all I needed to start to research. I found all the well-known schools, including his, but nothing grabbed my interest. I found IDLM and they were offering a free online in person information class. I kept going back to it and finally registered. I have never looked back. The amount of information and just the knowledge that both Anna and Pam gave was enough for me. I signed up and have never looked back. I love the community and the availability of information and support.
Please talk about something you have learned through IDLM or through end of life work that has meaning for you.
I was the caregiver, along with my Dad, for my Mom. She had a long illness and passed at the young age of 60. I realized how short life was and quit my corporate job and went into the healing arts. By the time I needed to be my Dad’s caregiver, along with my sister, I was working in hospice and was ready to provide the help that was needed. The difference was this time I had resources. I then found IDLM, after my Dad passed, and they have helped me do this work to the best of my ability to help others that like me, had no knowledge we existed. I’ve learned that no one should die alone, that families need someone knowledgeable to help them navigate this road and that the dying need to be heard, acknowledged, and deserve to die as they wish. Invaluable information.
No matter where you are in your end of life work journey, there will always be those who are still behind you. What advice would you give to them as they move forward on this chosen path?
Reach out and speak with people that do this work. Don’t travel this road alone. It’s heavy. This is not just a” job”. This is a calling. The other thing is, have a good heart!! You need to be kind, compassionate, have empathy and know when to be quiet. We serve many different types of people. You need to look past your own beliefs and respect the people you are working for. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!! With that said, self-care is very important. Take care of you!!
Build community!! We have a great one. Use it. I could go on but really, this is very rewarding work but not for everyone.
Thanks again to Barbara MacNair for sharing with us. If you would be interested in sharing your own story as part of our IDLM blog Spotlight Series, reach out to Aurora Nibley through the Movement. We would love to hear from you!
