It’s no secret that the end of the year is a tough time for a lot of people.
The holiday season is stressful! It can be stressful to worry about putting together a special enough celebration. It can be stressful to be a person who doesn’t celebrate. Some people deal with difficult memories during the holiday season, and some deal with difficult family members. Even if you love the holiday season, it can be an exhausting time, both physically and emotionally.
This is something to be extra aware of if you are a doula, or even someone who is just doula-curious. At IDLM we know very well that our community is full of people who naturally tend toward making sure everyone else is taken care of, and who are quick to jump in and do all the jobs that aren’t getting done. If this is you, you may find yourself with a bigger share of holiday stress than you need or deserve before you even realize it.
So here is another friendly, periodic reminder that self-care needs to be one of your top priorities. This is true all the time, of course, but it can become even more true around the holidays. And another hard fact is that prioritizing self care can often be easier said than done. Many people in caretaker or other service positions feel like they simply don’t have the support in place to take time for themselves. They would love to go out shopping for a day, or to the movies, or just to take a nap—but they worry that if they try to take a break, there won’t be anyone to cover for them. And not getting a break is hard enough, but feeling like you’ll never get a break can make things even worse.
We want to be aware of the people in our lives who are overworked, who are struggling with tasks that they have to do because nobody else will. They have heard the warnings, just like everyone else: “Take a break, or your body will take one for you!” They understand this is true, but they still feel like they just can’t. Helping them find a way to feel like they can might be the best possible holiday gift you could give them.
Of course, this is also easier said than done. You need to make sure your own needs are covered before you start taking on the needs of others (just like in an airplane—you want to put your own oxygen mask on first). Having a self-care routine can help with this. Make sure you are getting your eight hours of sleep, your morning meditation, your evening walk, whatever you need. Protect that self-care ritual and keep it sacred, so that you can be at your best when you meet others who aren’t. Not only will you be more able to help, or to talk other people into helping, or to talk this person into helping themself, but you will also be an example to them of how to prioritize self-care and not feel guilty about it.
To paraphrase RuPaul, if you can’t help yourself, how in hell are you gonna help anybody else? This holiday season, let’s all do our best to help others help themselves.
